September 6th, 2010
|03:31 pm - Me in 2009 - crappy home video and screencaps|
So, I finally got around to it. Last year, I made a VHS recording on my prehistoric camcorder to give myself some feedback in working on feminine posture, walking, poses, etc. I copied it to DVD, and had been threatening to convert it to MP4 for months. A cumbersome process with my rickety old computers, but I got it done.
I've uploaded an edited sequence to Vimeo. Though I'm none too happy with Vimeo's player. Flash sucks. The vid is more-or-less Safe For Work, unless you work with assholes.
What's more, I made a bunch of screencaps from the original vid, picked out the best of the bunch, and posted them on my ImageFap account. They can be found on my IF profile page. [NSFW!!! And sorry about all the ads and popups -- that's IF for ya.]
Super low res caps from a super low res vid. Oh, yes. And I did it all with stone knives and bear skins.
January 19th, 2009
|05:53 pm - What I like to wear|
For me, it all starts with the legs. Hosiery is my reason for living. Not all hosiery, mind you. Stockings are nice, but not my favorite. No, that would be pantyhose. Yes, pantyhose. They are the center of my sexual universe. That's where it all begins.
Perhaps it's because, when I was growing up, pantyhose were the standard, the essential undergarment for women, second only to the brassiere. Thus, due to the accident of my upbringing, pantyhose will always be intimately connected with feminine allure in my libido. They also help to hide blemishes and unevenness in skin tone, of which, I have plenty. I sympathize with women over the various discomforts that often accompany pantyhose. Nevertheless, the act of pulling that delicate second skin of silky softness over my legs and up to my waist is the one thing that always ignites the thrill of feminine allure within me. I would wear them 24/7 if I could.
In addition, I always take a "knee-hi" or "ankle-hi" stocking, roll it down a bit at the cuff, and pull it over my package. There are several good reasons for this. It helps to alleviate any pinching or binding discomfort from other garments, and it also helps to control any, um, leakage. But mostly, it just feels right. I love the feeling of hosiery on any part of my body, so it stands to reason that it would be especially pleasant to feel the delicately clingy fabric softly hugging my package, even if it is otherwise unconfined. There are some other fun things to do along this same theme, but I'll save that for later! (I'll try to do a friends-only post to illustrate, as soon as I can.)
The rest just depends on how I'm feeling. High heels, of course, are a must. For me, five inch heels are the minimum -- "the sex is in the heel," as was so aptly pointed out in the film Kinky Boots. Simple pumps will do, or anything with ankle straps. Delightful. Oh, but no platforms. Too clunky. Too big. The idea is to make my feet look small and feminine. I like a classic look. Another thing I find to be just unbearably cute -- especially when they're on me -- is lace-trimmed anklet socks. A pair of white ones, over pantyhose, with black pumps, and my legs are ready for anything!
Also, I love long wigs. Not Big Hair, drag queen style, but rather, full, soft, long and flowing. The feeling of a luxurious mane caressing my neck, back and shoulders is wonderful. False eyelashes also help, but not huge corny ones. And makeup, full but tasteful, sensual, not clownish. Add hoops or dangles to my ears, and I'm happy.
The rest just depends on how I'm feeling. For just lounging around the apartment, I love a nice tight leotard or swimsuit. The soft but firm upward tugging in my gap actually makes my legs feel longer and more exposed, more open to admiring eyes and playful hands. It makes my crotch feel deeper and more feminine, and the flesh between my thighs and buns feels more exposed. I love the feeling of exposure below the waist, and there's no need to cover my hips and buns if I'm not going to the grocery store. For a more formal look, skirts and blouses are okay, but I especially love short dresses. Short. No, very short. Just barely enough to hide my "secret," and nothing more. A silky "little black dress" that's good and snug down to the waist, but flares out nicely below. A dress that softly teases my buns as I walk. Perfection.
The top is a bit more problematic. Yeah, fake boobs, of course. Not too big -- about a C-cup for my frame. Anything bigger just looks dumb. Next, my shoulders, arms and hands are a bit too masculine. Opera length gloves are always very nice with an LBD, and that works okay for me. But better still is a sheer top with long puffy sleeves and delicate sheer or lace gloves. And a very, very, short hemline. Oh, yes.
The possible variations are endless, of course. But all of this adds to the delightful feeling of feminine sensuality I love so much, and the more complete the look, the more exciting and arousing it is for me. And that is why -- now coming full circle -- a good pair of crotchless pantyhose is an absolute must, in order to be fully open to all the pleasures that might come
in, er, to me...
Simply put, dressing up like a girl, the way I like to do it, is like being softly hugged and caressed non-stop from head to toe.
(Oh, and it keeps me insatiably horny the whole time! *giggle*)
"Look to the heel, young man. The sex is in the heel."
|05:51 pm - My sexuality|
I call myself "bisexual," but that's still a bit vague. Emotionally, I'd have to say I'm "hetero" because I only fall in love with women. Too much in love, I'm afraid -- the attachment I experience becomes so overwhelming and consuming that it destroys the relationship, along with my quality of life -- and that's why I have no plans for relationships in the future. As for men, I just don't develop romantic attachments to them, and the physical attraction is limited to, well, one particular part of the male anatomy, and that only in the right context.
As I've said elsewhere, my interest in gender-bending is almost exclusively sexual/erotic in nature. Out of respect for fully transgendered people, I don't purport to speak for them or to have any profound insight into the TG experience.
But in the area of pure erotic indulgence, I do know what tickles my fancy...
|02:59 pm - Who Am I?|
I'm "Donna M" -- that's the femme name I chose and have gone by online since 2002. I am a bi, male, part-time crossdresser. Well, technically speaking, I'm a transvestite, but that term always sounded to me like something you'd call an exterminator about. Let's face it, when it comes to those who have been treated respectfully in popular culture, "trannies" are just not on the list. Integrity of self-expression is one thing, but I have no interest in being gawked and jeered at as some kind of side-show freak. My femme persona is soft, not loud or obnoxious; intimate, not obstreperous.
I've had photos posted online since 2002, but haven't had any readily accessible since my Flickr account was deleted last year. I've done my time on the personals and social networking circuit, but have found both the providers, and often the users, to be too predatory for my tastes. And even among those users who are reasonably polite and/or sensitive, there's usually an expectation for more interaction than I'm looking for. So, I've whittled it down to this cubby-hole on IJ, and some photo hosting site, as soon as I find a good one.
My interest in bending gender goes way back to my childhood years. As early as age five, I was sneaking into my sister's closet and trying on various items, especially shoes. By the time I was going through puberty, I had developed a full-blown "fetish" for pantyhose. In the early years and decades, there was far too much shame associated with such things, and far too little privacy, so my crossdressing activities were always very limited. It would not be until much later that I would seriously entertain the notion of dressing fully as a girl -- and feeling like one -- and later still, exploring the bisexual side of my desires. I regret that was not able to more fully explore these delights earlier in my life, but hey, that's the way it goes.
I am not "a woman trapped in a man's body" by any means, and while I have great sympathy for transfolk, my connection to them is limited. I have learned an enormous amount about gender differences, and the illusory nature of the socially constructed "gender divide," due to my urges. In fact, nearly all of what I have come to understand about what it means to be a woman is a direct result of my gender-bending activities. Nevertheless, the driving force behind all of it, and the primary focus of my activities, is almost purely that of sensual excitement, erotic imagination, unbearably ecstatic sexual desires...
At this point in my life, I'm not looking for relationships, more friends, or even purely sexual encounters. My social life is too full as it is. But the private exploration and the fantasies continue...
November 8th, 2008